Trust there in times of turmoil – Thorpe family

Graham Thorpe’s widow Amanda and daughters Kitty and Emma have bravely told the story of their beloved late husband and father’s struggles with mental health and how the Cricketers’ Trust supported them.

Sat on the outfield at Farnham CC, Thorpe’s former club, family friend Mark Butcher led a conversation in front of the Sky Sports cameras in a touching tribute to the England star about their fond memories and the darker times surrounding the former Surrey batter’s struggles.

Capped 100 times in Tests and a further 82 in ODIs, with exactly 700 career appearances, Thorpe was admired for his grit and determination as a steely batter and avid protector of the England middle-order for many years.

The left-hander scored 16 Test hundreds, captained his country and went on to coach England in various roles between 2010 and 2022.

However, Thorpe had his challenges throughout his life, notably at the break-up of his first marriage and the termination of his employment as a coach of England after a challenging 2021/22 Ashes tour.

Following an attempt on his life in 2022 and despite many treatments, Thorpe never recovered and tragically died by suicide in August last year.

“We love talking about Graham,” wife Amanda begins. “He was just a normal guy with a great sense of humour, he said he played a bit of cricket, he was so humble.”

Daughter Emma remembers her father’s kind nature, “He knew how to bring you back to the real world and give you that perspective that everything is ok, to always look on the positive side, he was a great person to come to growing up.”

Daughter Kitty admits she didn’t fully appreciate how much love and appreciation people had for the England and Surrey great, “I didn’t realise until he passed, just how much love there was for him, I wish he knew that. In the last year people have reached out to share their admiration for him, which has been lovely as I feel I can relate to them.”

Recalling Thorpe’s comeback to international cricket in 2003, Amanda stated her husband was extremely nervous and admitted to the occasion being the first game of cricket she had ever watched, “I remember thinking how special it was when he walked out to a standing ovation. He got to 80 and I thought this is bloody brilliant, let’s get the champagne out, I didn’t even realise how important a hundred was. When he got to the hundred it was amazing and it woke Kitty up in her pushchair. He would talk about that as one of his best innings because of the pressure he felt.”

Following his triumphant playing days, Thorpe worked as part of the England coaching staff but lost his role with the international side following the covid tour of Australia, a tour that his family recognised was very difficult for him, but the most challenging aspect was undoubtedly dealing with the loss of employment, which significantly impacted his mental health.

“We noticed a real difference, he was more reserved and not up to doing much,” said Emma.

“He really struggled to get over it. He saw losing his job as a failure, we told him it was fine but it was in his head that he’d let us down. I don’t think he coped very well with it mentally,” agreed Kitty.

“He had worked for the ECB for a long time and suddenly the rug gets pulled from under your feet. He had anxiety and depression and it was horrible to see,” said Amanda.

In May 2022, Thorpe made an attempt on his life which resulted in serious physical injuries. The Cricketers’ Trust is always there to support current and former players and their immediate family members and stepped in to help.

“The Cricketers’ Trust were there for us after Graham nearly lost his life. You don’t know where to go or what to do but they came to us. They were amazing. We were in turmoil trying to think of what to do as a family and then we were told what support the Trust offers and it showed people do care and there is support out there,” said Amanda.

The family revealed Thorpe was admitted to a six-week residential care programme with Sporting Chance through the Cricketers’ Trust, it brought the family new found belief with Graham gaining some new insights as glimpses of his former self returned intermittently after completing the programme.

Emma recalled, “There were a few moments when we thought we had him back like when he came down to the pub and seeing him chatting with his mates again, but then that would go away and it would be difficult.”

“It was like having your hopes dashed,” agreed wife Amanda. “You’d think he was back and then he wasn’t. He’d crack a joke and I’d think ‘Is that Graham, is he back?’, it’s so tragic because it was just a glimpse of who he used to be.”

Kitty poignantly added, “It was difficult for everyone who cares about him to see him slowly decline in front of us, you feel powerless. You need people like those at the Cricketers’ Trust. When you’re looking for help you’re already in a pretty bad place.”

Sadly, Graham lost his life in August last year, leaving an irreplaceable void in the lives of the Thorpe family and many friends and admirers around the world. The players’ charity which was created to support the health and wellbeing of PCA members and their immediate families stepped in once again to support the family.

The assistance for current and former players in England and Wales is all encompassing, whether it be for physical or mental needs including provision of specialist equipment, funding operations, financial assistance or specialist wellbeing support as daughter Kitty explains, “When dad passed away, the Trust reached out to us again to give us therapy and counselling which was really helpful. I’m still having in person sessions at university and that was lovely, I felt very well looked after and it was nice to talk to someone because it can be difficult to talk about such heavy things.”

“I had some online therapy before and after (her dad’s passing) from the Cricketers’ Trust and having the same therapist was really helpful. I felt like I could talk about it without any shame,” said youngest, Emma.

Butcher concluded the interview asking the family for a message to others if they found themselves in such an incredibly difficult situation.

Amanda: “He was so loved. Graham was ill for two years. He retreated into himself and didn’t want to go out and speak to people – don’t do that.”

Kitty: “Talk about it, share the load and reach out because there is help out there, there is still a lot of work to be done around mental health.”

Emma: “Talking about grief is really important, losing a parent at this age is something not many people have gone through but being able to talk about it and have conversations really helps.”

The Cricketers’ Trust funds the PCA’s Confidential Helpline that is available to all current and former players and their immediate family members. For support 24 hours a day, call 07780 008 877.

To find out more about the Cricketers’ Trust, click here.

If you have been affected by these issues or want to talk, please contact Samaritans on the free helpline 116 123, or visit the website by clicking here.