For me it was the beginning of university that I started to question why I reacted differently to others. It was so obvious to me if you compared me to other students the way I transitioned, behaved, and dealt with new problems and environments, was incredibly difficult.
That was in 2017 so it’s been such a long process. I did a lot of research and I seemed to fit a lot of autistic criteria. It was only this year I felt I was in a place to deal with it head on. The test is an in-depth process, involving parents, family members and it’s quite confronting about everything I’ve found difficult in my life. It’s not a very nice thing to have to face.
The result came back as autistic shortly after the end of the season, it wasn’t a surprise.
I’m not sure how I feel about the label, I didn’t necessarily want to be tested for it – I just wanted help for it. I wanted strategies on how to make my life easier, but I felt that by going through the testing and having the official diagnosis was the quickest way of getting help.
There is a stigma. I have grown up with this idea of neurodiversity and autism and now it is a different outlook from when I was a child, it has certainly progressed with the understanding.
The nature of our job as an elite athlete is incredibly intense. A lot of things we do are at our max effort, with that I have found it becomes a lot harder to mask or fit in with the way I behave as I am expending so much energy and mental load trying to perform at my best.
We’re all unique and neurodiversity is actually much more common in athletes than you might think. It’s important the structures are tailored in these environments and the preferences of those individuals are taken into account as it can’t just be blanket communication for everyone.
I want to keep learning, so it is brilliant to see the PCA is working with Neurodiverse Sport to roll out educational workshops for players and importantly, coaches.
I attended a session with them a few years ago, hosted by their Co-Founder and former Olympic Rower, Caragh McMurty.
It was a big moment for me, hearing her perspective as a female adult. A lot of what she said I could relate to, it solidified my thinking. She has achieved so much as an athlete and businesswoman after being diagnosed with autism and suspected ADHD as an adult.
There is no barrier – things just might look slightly differently for you. As somebody who is autistic, my preferences will be different and I’ll work better in different environments, but it doesn’t mean you can’t succeed or play at the highest level. It just means you may need something slightly different to optimise your ability.
